We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
