AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dear god my vagina.
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