In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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