hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
