Pappa wants mamma naked
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
