I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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