so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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