Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
