I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
