you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
