I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
