I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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