everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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