dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
