It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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