I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
