oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
