Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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