Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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