Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
