dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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