I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
