I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
