call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
