the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
