i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
