I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
