This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
