Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
