You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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