I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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