i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I deserve this hangover.
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