I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
