My first STD was from a foam party
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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