i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
