Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
