so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
