his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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