My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
