I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
