come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
