So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
