shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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