After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
