I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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