i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
