Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
