At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
