her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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