Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
