Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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