I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
