My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
